Monday 29th August 2016

After crushing my dreams of making a good costume yesterday, Jericho gave me a huge hug today and told me it was a great lightning bolt and that he was excited about being Zeus and that he thanked me very much for making all his things. He really is quite empathetic, both Troy and I have commented to each other about how he will come back to us later on a lot of things and apologise, or thank us, or explain why he reacted in a certain way but now he understands. It’s really lovely actually, that my emotionally volatile child is becoming emotionally very sensitive.

He and Soren finished making Soren’s shield today, so the only thing we have to do is google instructions on how to wrap a toga and we’ll be ready for book day. The book fair was set up in the office at school today, and both of the boys have come home with wish lists of books that they want to buy. I might let them buy one each, despite the thousands of books they have access to at home already we can always use more primary-aged-boy-oriented fiction.

The weather was gorgeous today, so I thought I’d make the most of it and go for a ride. It didn’t work out at all well. I don’t know what was wrong with Caprice but she was so naughty – she wouldn’t walk and she kept jogging and prancing sideways and going all goggle-eyed at the traffic and then doing rodeo horse moves to try and throw me off. Astonishingly I didn’t fall off, but I was pretty much terrified and I do not think I have the nerve to deal with that kind of thing. It has completely put me off- for various reasons I was pretty ambivalent about the riding anyway, and this has really made me think that I do not want to do this. So, we shall see.

Troy is playing in the first hockey final tonight. If he wins he’ll have next week off and then play the grand final the following week, if they lose he’ll play next week for the second chance. I want him to win – imagine next week if he and Emma both have it hockey-free, I’ll have him home every night!

Although really, it’s quite nice having evenings to myself sometimes. I’ve got some more Orange is the New Black to watch and some cookies and cream ice-cream in the freezer, so it’s not exactly like I’m suffering or anything.

Sunday 28 August 2016

Children really do have a way of crushing you sometimes. I made Jericho a lightning bolt this morning (for his Zeus costume), and when he came in and saw it he immediately said, “That’s weird! It’s not supposed to look like that!” I told him that it was the best I could do, but if he didn’t like it I totally wouldn’t mind if he tried making one that more fit his visions. He thought about it for a while and then said that mine wasn’t all that bad, and he would just use that one. Once I explained that we’d made it that way so that he could grasp the middle section and then point it at people when he was cursing and smiting them, he became much more enthusiastic.

I made a cardboard shield for Soren’s costume of the boy from Beast Quest. Well, half made it – I’ve cut out the cardboard shape and put elastic loops on it so he can hold it. We have a big sheet of project card that I’m going to cut to the same size, then Soren and Jericho are going to draw the items that the shield is decorated with on that and then glue it onto the cardboard to cover up the elastic looped through it. (And to cover up that the shield is actually made from a cardboard box that previously contained a shower organiser). We started talking about what clothes he’s going to wear, and Soren showed us an illustration in the book where the boy was wearing a shirt laced at the neck. For some reason I was unable to discover, Troy actually owns a cream linen shirt that laces at the neck…so weird. Anyway, he brought it out and put it on Soren with a belt to make it a tunic (and to provide a handy place for carrying his sword) and it looks great.

I don’t know. Beards and wreaths and shields and swords and togas and tunics…we’re putting a lot more effort into this book week dress up day than we did last time, when I bought them all Camp Half-Blood t-shirts and called it done.

Anyway, after making those this morning Troy and I took Soren and Jericho out shopping. Jericho had birthday money to spend, and since Soren just had to come along he brought some money too. Nicholai went to the oval because they were hosting all the junior football grand finals, and Emma stayed home so she could play on her ipad and stay in her pyjamas (she mostly doesn’t get dressed on weekends if she doesn’t have to these days).

It was a good trip. Shopping with the kids can be kind of fraught sometimes, between children getting completely worked up and overanxious about making the ‘right’ choice, to them getting upset about not having enough money, to arguing because they both want the same thing. But today Jericho and Soren managed quite well. Jericho bought a Lego set at Kmart (since part of his birthday money was a ColesMyer giftcard) and then at Big W they both bought a box of Pokemon cards.

I bought some shorts for Emma at Big W, although she’ll have to try them on to see if they fit. She’s at that awkward crossover point of girls’ and women’s sizing in clothes, so I’m not very confident about just going and picking something up for her. But these particular shorts were pretty much exactly what I wanted for her for Indonesia, so I thought I may as well take my chances. I can always take them back.

We also went to Officeworks to buy the card for Soren’s costume and to buy some A5 size folders for our new dvd storage system. We’re putting all our dvd movies in A5 pockets (the dvd cover in the front, the discs in the back) and then putting the pockets in folders. The folders will take up much less shelf space, and will give us enough room to have all our tv series on the shelves in the cases they came in. Better than the somewhat precarious stack on top of the shelf unit that they’re currently in anyway.

I don’t know where all this organisational mojo came from, but I kept it up this afternoon and got Troy to clear off the dresser while I sat at the kitchen table and helped/gave opinions while I put the covers and dvds in the pockets. Our dresser is big, and the amount of shit we manage to pile up on it is embarrassing. It makes our kitchen look so junky when the dresser, which is the largest thing in the room, is covered in crap and I always love the few occasions where it gets cleared off and we can admire what a nice piece of furniture it is!

Saturday August 27, 2016

Emma’s hockey team won their game last night, so they have next week off and will then play in the Grand Final the week after! Emma’s really happy. I’m happy that she’s so happy – honestly, hockey has been so good for her this year. Her individual and teamwork skills have improved immensely. Their coach works them hard, and it’s been really good to see Emma rising to the challenge. She’s so much more determined as a player than she used to be and I think she really feels herself a part of the team, which is wonderful. She has really enjoyed it, and I definitely think it’s been worth all the hours in the car and freezing my ass off while she trains!

Sometimes she’s still such a child though. She was messing around with her dinner tonight and Troy told her not to play with her food. In response she said with great dignity, “I’m not playing with it, I’m eating it artistically.”

We all went to watch her last night. It was pretty late and cold for the boys, just hanging around watching, but Jericho and Soren didn’t really mind. Nicholai did, but Nicholai dislikes everything that that doesn’t directly benefit him and really, there’s no making him happy no matter what you do. But I think it does him good to actually have to be part of the family and come to family events, no matter how boring he thinks they are, or how much it embarrasses him to be publically associated with us.

We took a drive down to Frankston today and went for a walk along the beach and the pier, so it has been quite a bit of a family togetherness. I kind of love Frankston. It’s kind of grungy and full of ferals, but it’s where Troy and I lived together before we had kids and it always makes me happy to think about that. The wind off the ocean was really cold today, but walking warms you up and the kids had fun picking through things that had been washed up on the sand (most notably a dead puffer fish – they threw it back and claimed it as a gift for Poseidon, the god of the sea, and then went into hysterics when Poseidon clearly rejected their offering and it washed back up again). The foreshore was crowded with pokemon, pokestops and people wandering around playing, as well as a group of teenagers doing parkour, so we kind of hung around there for a while, and then walked along the pier. We ate lunch on the way home, did a quick grocery shop, and then came home for the children to spend their poker chips on playing. I guess nothing really spectacular happened, but I really enjoyed the day – I like hanging out with Troy and the kids.

Wednesday 24th August 2016

There is not too much else that evokes the same level of futile rage in me as non-working computer things. I think because I can do absolutely nothing to even attempt to fix it – if things go wrong all I can do is turn it off and turn it back on, and that’s it. Apart from that, I just have to rely on Troy to fix it. It’s worse too when he’s just done something to “fix” it or “improve” it. Like now- last week we had reliable internet and I could print from my computer, and we had two children who were constantly sneaking their ipads and phones during off-times. I was informed that a new router could be set with timed parental controls for the children’s devices, and so one was purchased. Now I have unreliable internet, a computer that can’t connect to the printer to print out my stuff for work tomorrow, and two children who still have constant access to the same (albeit now unreliable) internet that I do!

Although something that possibly came close to being that annoying was the way Soren threw a hissy fit this morning because he “didn’t have a school jumper!” And then, when I forced him into his room, he found one folded up in the drawer right where you’d expect it to be. And then Jericho found another one of his school jumpers just sitting on top of his bag. Honestly, it would save a lot of hassle and drama if I could just duct tape Soren’s clothes to his body.

I’m still going through all my old photos. I’m up to mid 2011 now – my kids were so little and adorable! (Although I really wish I’d taken them to the hairdresser more often, they keep looking all shaggy and neglected.) But Soren and his beads, and Jericho in his Harry Potter glasses, and the way they wore wizard cloaks out shopping and always had Harry Potter lightning scars drawn on their foreheads with texta! Oh my heart.


Okay, I wrote that this afternoon, but while I was out at hockey training with Emma Troy fixed all the printer issues. So now I have no room to complain.

And really, it was a pretty nice day. I did most of my planning this morning and then went for a walk with Jean, which was quite lovely in the sunshine. I finished my planning off this afternoon, then went to hockey training with Emma (and hatched a Lapras in Pokemon Go on the way). Came home to a very quiet house with all other children asleep, had some tea, and now this. So, it was good.

Tuesday 23rd August 2016

Knitpicks (the company I bought the yarn from) saw my Game of Thrones socks on Instagram and asked if they could share them on their facebook wall. That is amazing – this is not someone selling yarn out of their back room, this is huge business and they liked my socks! I mean, I love them, but I still tend to feel as though I’m often just floundering my way through knitting things so this was some awesome approbation.

It was good to have something to pick me up a bit, because I was feeling pretty bad after I weighed myself and realised I’ve gained a bit of weight. I know that it’s my own fault, and I know what I’ve been doing to cause it, but I’m still feeling really demoralised by own obvious lack of self-control. Because that’s what it comes down to – I eat things I shouldn’t in amounts that I definitely shouldn’t.

I think it all just seemed extra depressing because, in going through all my photos, I have realised how few photos there are of me and of the ones we have I mostly feel bad when I look at them because of my weight. I hate that the kids won’t have pictures of me with them, because I don’t like for them to be taken. It is also incredibly discouraging to see how many years worth of gradual weight gain I’m dealing with, and see the correlation with my bipolar depression and the meds, and the PCOS. This is really, really hard and so far I’m not doing very well.

And while last night I dealt with my misery over gaining weight by eating ice cream (see: lack of self control and eating my feelings), this morning I took the dog and walked around the lake. It was funny actually, Luna saw me pick up my jacket and that obviously means “walk” to her because before I even said her name she ran to the front door wagging her tail all excitedly. She likes walking round the lake and sniffing all the other dogs, and she seems to like being able to run around a little bit in the off-lead area. The first time I took her there she didn’t go very far from me, but she was a lot more adventurous today.

I caught a lot of pokemon while I was there too, which was quite fun. I am a little bit bored with catching the same ones over and over and over again (it’s been an endless parade of Pidgeys and Zubats and Eevees) but I caught one new one which kind of made up for it. After school I took Jericho and Soren to Yering Station for a Pokemon walk, since they have two gyms and about five pokestops there. Jericho cracked me up, when I drove in through the gates he said, sounding really alarmed, “Isn’t this a fancy place? We won’t be welcomed in a fancy place!” He’s not wrong, it IS a fancy place, but it was pretty deserted this afternoon. It turned out to be the best pokemon walk of them all though, because we finally caught a Pikachu!

Apart from walking around catching Pokemon, I did a lot of cleaning today. The children’s toilet – ugh, it’s disgusting. Seriously, do those boys just pee on the floor or something? I did a very thorough scrub in my bathroom too, cobwebs and mirrors and every single nook and cranny. It was embarrassing though, I always clean the bathroom in my underwear so my clothes don’t get wet or get bleach products on them, which would be fine if Jean didn’t just walk in on me! She had come to borrow Troy’s car and she knew I was home, so when I wasn’t in the loungeroom she came looking for me. I had the fan on in the bathroom so I hadn’t heard her. I don’t know, she watched me give birth, but I was still pretty embarrassed about that today!