Tuesday 26 October 2021

It was such a lovely sunny day today. I am not a summer person and I do not like the hot weather, but spring has been taking its time this year and today I definitely appreciated finally having some sun. It even inspired me to go outside and do some gardening, even though that is the worst job. I don’t like it, and you do it for an hour and completely fill the green waste bin and yet no one will be able to really tell that I did anything at all.

Troy and I also took Luna to the dog park, which was a much more pleasant time in the sun.

I had my psychiatrist appointment yesterday. It was fine, it’s all pretty much just a basic check in at the moment. He’s ordered blood tests since it’s been a while, so I’ll have to do those. My referral had also expired so I have to make an appointment with the GP to get a new one. It would be good if they have access to the blood test results actually – isn’t that what the whole My Health Record thing was supposed to be about? I never opted out, so maybe it will all be there, who knows.

He noted my weight loss too. From him it’s all just part of the medical/psych side of things, as of course weight gain/loss are both symptoms as much as anything. It’s weird though, I do feel awkward about it when people comment on it. Part of me wants them to, because this was a really fucking hard thing to do! But it also makes me self conscious, and then I wonder if everyone was just thinking terrible things about how fat I was before and I get all stressed about it, and about still being overweight and it all just goes round in circles. So who knows.

Although this is going to be my last week on Light and Easy. I am actually very ambivalent about this – I’m so scared that all the effort will be for nothing and the weight will all just pile back on, and I’m anxious about my ability to keep up the good habits from it. But I’m also looking forward to just eating the same things as the rest of the family, and being able to eat some of Emma’s Baker’s Delight bread! Ultimately it’s a pretty expensive way of going about things and I’ve been doing it for a long time, I’m passed the ‘realistic’ goal I had and have reached the ‘would be great but I don’t think I’ll get there’ goal, and I think it’s time to try and continue working on the next goal on my own. I’m doing a LOT of hours on the exercise bike, and if I keep doing that and walking the dog etc hopefully it won’t go too badly. Besides, I can always go back on it in the future if I feel it would be helpful.

Jericho is putting his resume together, as he wants to get a job at the cinema that was advertised at school. Well, he really just wants money to buy himself all the very expensive electronics and gaming chairs that he feels would enhance his life, but at least he’s got some motivation! It would be great if he gets it (they’re taking on a few for casual work), but if not at least his resume will be organised and he can go and look for something else.

I’m still going through all my photos. I’m only up to 2011, after starting in 2006 (when I got a digital camera) – this is going to take me forever.

Monday 4 October 2021

Back to school at home today. Two pretty unenthusiastic students sitting at the kitchen table. Which honestly just seems weird – I spent all day thinking that we started out with FOUR kids doing school at home and now Covid has dragged on so fucking long that we’re down to TWO?!?!?!?

I mean, Nicholai and Emma were only a year apart in school, but even so.

And yes, this does mean that I actually have two children who have finished with school! Emmanuella went up this morning and had all her requirements ticked off, so she can now add ‘high school graduate’ to her list of achievements. And actually, when it comes to her apprenticeship, having Year 12 is worth an extra $1.30 something per hour to her – it adds up to over $2600 per year so we were like…for the love of god, please just hand everything in! But she did, it’s all done, and we can move on.

I’m so relieved. For her, and also for me, because frankly I’m not sure how much longer I could deal with those excruciating stomach aches I’d get every time the phone rang from the school with someone wanting to talk about her/ tell me I had to come and get her. I’m not expecting her apprenticeship years to be all sunshine and delightful baked goods, but I’m hoping it’s going to be better than the last couple of years.

Emma does have a valedictory lunch in a couple of weeks, and that will be the last school event for her. It’s supposed to be a dinner with the parents, but with Covid they’ve downgraded it to a lunch with students and teachers only (which is what they did last year too, so we didn’t go with Nicholai either). We took her shopping on the weekend to buy some pants to wear, which was an exercise in frustration for me. We did find the pants in the end, but it would have been easier if she’d just been straightforward about what she wanted from the beginning, rather than waiting until I’d found about fifty pairs of pants that she just shrugged at or said ‘I don’t know’ before she told me what she actually had in mind.

We bought her shoes to wear to work too, just sneakers that will be comfortable to wear and that can be wiped off when they get covered with flour. It’s strange though – she’s going to be a grown up with a grown up job, so next time she needs sneakers she’ll just go and buy them for herself. Not that we’ll never buy her anything again, but she’s going to be a bit more independent and responsible for her own needs and that feels like a pretty strange concept.

How am I so old? How do I have two basically adult children…what happened to my baby little ones?

No wonder I’m so tired.

I’ve finally lost some more weight, after being pretty stalled out for a while. Actually, I reached the goal I originally had as ‘I don’t think I’ll get there but that would be great’ when I began Light and Easy. It’s all the exercise biking I’ve been doing – it’s such a doable form of exercise for me. It doesn’t require any shoes or take any real effort to just start doing it, I can do it at any time of the day even if someone else is doing something in the back room, I can start and stop at any time so it doesn’t feel like I have to carve out a particular chunk of time if it works better to do it in two shorter sessions, and I just pedal and read the whole time so I don’t get bored. I’ve been reading lots of Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden books – everyone loves a good girl detective story. Anyway, I think I’ll probably keep up the Light and Easy for another couple of weeks, as to be quite honest even this weight is actually not that good for me (I really had no real faith that I could do even this much), but at least today it feels like it’s working.

Saturday 28 August 2021

Some lovely sunshine made it all feel a bit easier today. And not being at work, that always helps too!

Obviously nothing particularly exciting is going on. Troy and I took Luna to the dog park this afternoon, which was good. We had a nice walk and Luna had fun – she was rather unusually sociable with the other dogs, and it’s always cute to see.

Emma baked a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting – the cake worked really well, but the other children were not huge fans of the frosting although she and Troy liked it. (And Soren went back for seconds, when I questioned him about this since he had said he didn’t like the icing he was all ‘well it’s still cake’).  

I didn’t eat any – I am still eating Light and Easy food. It’s been almost four months, which feels like ages. I’ve also not lost any weight in the last couple of weeks which is really frustrating, but there’s nothing much to be done about it. I’m trying to do a bit more regular exercise and just have to hope that that helps prompt some more weight loss – believe me I still need it.

I did a lot of knitting this afternoon too. I knitted one fingerless mitt last night during Friday night movie, and today I knitted the second one, did the seaming and crocheted around the thumb holes. They’re going to be for Benita’s kids I guess, I gave them an old pair once that used to be Soren’s and she has said they wear them so it seemed like a nice way to use up some ends of yarn. They’re black, and I’ve still got enough left to make a second pair out of the same yarn. I’ll have to look for something else after that – not sure that I’ll get to making four pairs, which may mean I’m giving Benita a problem rather than a gift if there are not enough mitts for all her children’s hands, but we’ll see.

Tuesday 3rd August 2021

Soren had his doctor appointment today. She confirmed that it sounds like a pretty classic migraine presentation, and gave us a few options for dealing with it. For the time being we’ve come away with prescriptions for an anti-nausea medication, and a nasal spray to treat the migraine if paracetamol/ibuprofen aren’t effective. If it keeps going we can look at a daily preventative, but I think now that we have some options to help him feel better if they hit we should probably wait and see a bit. Same with having a brain scan – if it continues or if any other symptoms develop we should do that, but it’s would be a bit much to jump straight to that now. Soren was happy with the management plan we’ve come up with, so for now we’ll just have to wait and see how things go. I’m really hoping that it will be a temporary kind of problem for him – he is twelve, so maybe just triggered by changing hormones and it’ll settle down in time. Really, I just don’t want it to be a chronic, long term issue for him – it really is miserable.

I took the dog to the dog wash today. She’s super fluffy at the moment but with lockdown and the grooming place apparently taking their booking system offline I wasn’t able to make an appointment for a proper groom until two weeks from now. And she’s so fluffy she had poop stuck in her furry behind, which was disgusting. Whoever used the thing before me left it filthy dirty too, so I had to actually spend time washing the dog wash before I could start washing the dog, and then combining that with all the time it took to clean her properly I had to pay more money for extra time. I said to Troy, it felt like karma because last time I needed the shop people to refill the shampoo and they gave me about five extra minutes, so I didn’t feel I could complain too much about having to do all the cleaning beforehand today! (Although I DO judge the person before me who left so much dirt in it – it very clearly tells you to do the wash/sanitise thing at the end!)

Not too much else going on. I started knitting some fingerless mitts to go along with the Christmas present beanies yesterday, but after knitting for an hour realised the sizing wasn’t going to work so I just had to pull it all out again. I think I know what adjustments to make, so I guess I’ll try again tomorrow.

I’ve lost just over ten kilos on Light and Easy now. This seems like kind of a lot but also nowhere near enough. Apart from a brief inner tantrum I had on the weekend when Troy made a chocolate self saucing pudding for everyone else to eat for dessert, I’ve been much less furious about the deprivation these days. This is the fourteenth week I’ve been doing this, so I suppose it is just becoming a way of life. I definitely question my ability to maintain this weight loss once I’m no longer eating a meal plan that is entirely managed for me, but I’m going to have to figure out some way to do it. I’ve put too much money and effort into it to let it all just go to waste! Although losing weight has also allowed me to fit into the previously very uncomfortable jeans I bought as well as some leggings and potentially some warmer weather clothes that I haven’t looked at yet, so I suppose spending extra on special food saves spending money on bigger clothes? It’s all still a bit depressing, but I’m trying to feel some sense of achievement over sticking to it and having some success – this definitely does not come easily.

Wednesday 30 June 2021

Tomorrow is the first day of the new financial year, so I might have some work to do. The last few weeks have been really slack, as we’re right down to the last few superfunds and they’re not finished generally because we can’t do it, due to complicated issues and people not sending in their paperwork or answering any emails. But from tomorrow I should be able to go back to all the simple, nicely organised funds and work on them. In October I will have been doing this job for three years – that just feels so wrong. I really would have thought I would be more confident in my own ability by this point, but I’m thinking that it’s never going to happen – I am going to bumble along in my own semi-competent/semi-incompetent way forever.

I had to do a few appointments during my days off this week. The dentist on Monday, and then the GP and the psychiatrist. It wasn’t bad, the GP was for repeat prescriptions and the psych was mostly a matter of checking in that I’m still quite stable and doing well and making an appointment for a few months. It’s good to be here. I think that there have been some really massively disruptive emotional issues in this family over the past year or so and frankly it sometimes feels like a miracle that I’m standing (mostly) steady.

I do sometimes wish though, that I had a friend or two who are at a similar life point. It’s really lonely sometimes, parenting teenagers and young adult kids when no one else I know is. It feels very isolating to be struggling and not really having anyone else who can sympathise and share because they’re doing the same thing.

Anyway, the kids are fine and seem to be enjoying a relaxing school holiday. Emma made waffles for them all today, they watch Netflix, read, and go on their devices after lunch. Claire has been seen out of their room a surprising amount (as in – they have appeared at times that don’t involve food, since they want to connect their computer to the tv and watch ice hockey. Jericho went out to Jackson’s house today. Soren’s practised his flute a few times. Actually, he looked through all his photo books today and accused himself of being a funny looking baby – I was offended on his behalf, because he was adorable!

I’ve been doing Light and Easy for nine weeks (well, tomorrow is day 7 of the ninth week) and have lost seven and a half kilos. I get very angsty about the actual numbers here, but this is good. I’m pretty used to it now – still have days when I’m hungry, but mostly not having that furiously hungry rage! I mean, I watched theme at waffles for lunch today with only a resigned sigh, instead of wanting to stab them all with forks and set fire to the delicious food so that I didn’t have to endure it! I like the breakfasts and most of the lunches, and I’ve got a basic rota of dinners that I don’t mind. It’s pretty limited, but it’s getting me through. I’ve also been heating some of the frozen meals in the oven, or warming other things in the frypan (no oil, or a tiny spray) instead of microwaving everything and that’s made a big difference to how good they are. I don’t have an end point in mind for this – it’s a bit of a financial strain so it’s not something I can do indefinitely, but I’d like to keep going for a while longer.

Saturday 29 May 2021

Over a year into this pandemic and I had my first Covid test today. Honestly feels kind of silly doing it, because the chances that I actually have Covid and not just a cold are so astronomically remote, but this is the world we live in so I booked my test last week and went this morning. It was very quick, and although it was a very unnerving feeling having them dig around in the back of my nose it wasn’t a big deal.

I won’t have to do it again though, because I found out this afternoon that they had the online vaccine booking system up and working and I went and booked an appointment for Monday afternoon. It took about two minutes, so I’m glad I didn’t waste hours on the phone hotline trying to get an appointment the other day. I was really surprised that it was so quickly available – I’m so used to everything in Ballarat requiring ridiculous wait times! Only potential issue is if I don’t have a negative result from the Covid test I took today, but I booked the appointment for late Monday afternoon which gives it over forty eight hours so it should be good.

Monday is a good day too, because if I don’t feel well afterwards I don’t have to work Tuesday or Wednesday. And with the lockdown on Troy will be home this week too, which is even better. He’ll have to book his appointment, but he had his flu shot last Thursday and so he won’t do it for a couple of weeks. (Although he’s been trying to book one this evening and the website it permanently crashed, so it would seem I just got really lucky?)

I did some knitting today, and also spent ages reading in the egg chair outside with the heated throw – it was really relaxing, which was nice after the general stress of the last couple of days.

The last few days of my dieting have been a struggle, I’ve got to say. It’s probably a bit about being stressed out and not feeling well, but I’ve been really hungry and furiously angry along with it. I hate the weekends, when they’re all eating good snacks and nice lunches! I wanted to just leave home and live all by myself this afternoon, when I had to suffer through Emma baking a loaf of bread and then everyone slicing it up and eating hot, fresh buttered bread for snack right in front of me. I mean, I do eat homemade pizza Friday nights even while on Light and Easy so I do have a regularly scheduled ‘cheat’ meal I guess, but today I just massively resent the fact that I have to do this.

Tuesday 11 May 2021

I had the dentist this morning. It was probably the worst filling I’ve ever had – the tooth had cracked underneath a previous filling. So she had to take out the old filling, drill out all the crappy tooth underneath it, and then refill it all. It was questionable on needing a root canal, but once she’d drilled it all out she said she thought it would be okay to fill it properly now rather than do a temporary one and replace it later. She numbed me up very well (seriously lasted for hours afterwards) so none of the dental work hurt, but it took nearly an hour and my jaw was killing me. It’s still hurting now, which is really less then fun.

I’ve got another appointment in two weeks to replace another filling – it’s another metal one, she wants to change it for something else because the metal is so hard that I risk cracking the tooth like I did for the one she worked on today. It shouldn’t be as bad as today, but I’m really not looking forward to it and I’m now really regretting skipping the dentist last year!

Anyway, I was already tired from the weekend and from not sleeping properly for the last few weeks – I’m having real trouble going to sleep, no matter how tired I am I’ve been lying awake for a couple of hours every night. Adding the dentist on top of that just wiped me out, so I actually had a two hour nap this afternoon. I haven’t done that for ages, but it really did make me feel better.

I have been doing Light and Easy, although this week has been something of a failure. I took my own dinner on Saturday and didn’t eat a single snack at Lee’s party (which is kind of astonishing), but I did have a couple of drinks and then ate breakfast out on Sunday. I thought that was an okay compromise, but the power failure and the fish and chips last night derailed things a bit further. I don’t know, just got to keep on doing it the best I can I guess. I like the breakfasts and lunches and don’t find them any particular hardship, the microwaved dinners I’m a bit less enthusiastic about. But I’m narrowing it down to which ones are the best, I think if I get seven I’m all right with I don’t care if I eat the same thing week to week. As long as it works in the end, that’s all that really matters.

Thursday, 29 April 2021

The leak wasn’t from the tap. I mean, the tap was broken, but it was not causing the leaking issue as we fixed the tap and then the washing machine continued to leak litres of water all over the floor anyway. I nearly lost my mind.

Bizarrely for me though, after my mental breakdown over it all I didn’t just give up and resign myself having no washing machine for the weeks it’s going to take to get a repair. Instead I was filled with an absolute cold rage and decided that we were not going to be fucked over again. So I read up on our consumer rights about repair vs replacement and then got on the phone with the Good Guys.

When the first person I spoke to said he’d have to pass it on for repair I said no, he would not, that the machine is only nine months old and has developed a major fault which gives me the right to have a replacement. He passed me on to someone else and I went through the story again. He was sympathetic, but told me that it was passed the ‘automatic replacement’ time and LG would have to have a look at it to authorise anything. I said again that I wasn’t happy with that, that I knew what the repair process was like and it’s not an acceptable option to me at this point. I pointed out that he could access my purchase history with them and see that I bought an oven from them three weeks ago that was faulty out of the box and STILL not repaired, and I said I was just not interested in doing that for the washing machine. Weeks without a washing machine costs me $50 a week in laundromat fees and loads of trouble, so unless he could get a repair person out to look at it in the next day or so, then given all the circumstances I was going to press my right to a replacement. I would have been okay with a repair person coming in the next day or two honestly, but I knew full well that all their repair work goes through the same appliance repair company we’ve dealt with that only have available appointments two-three weeks in the future, so that was pretty much never going to happen. Anyway, obviously the person at the Good Guys knew that was not going to happen too, because he then said that if I agreed they could give me a loaner machine today, and then the repair process could just take place as usual. While that wasn’t the replacement I was asking for, it was a pretty reasonable compromise in my mind that I was happy enough to accept, so I said it was fine. He asked if a top loader would be okay, and then said that since we had a 12kg one he’d send the biggest one he could, and I said that would be great and thanked him for his help. Troy and I moved the leaking washing machine out to the garage so the repair place can just pick it up, and then late this after the Good Guys truck pulled up and they trolleyed a new washing machine in to the laundry and hooked it up.

Really, I’m still just astounded that I did it. It’s completely out of character for me to voluntarily get into any sort of confrontation, or do anything that might be considered making a fuss. I don’t even like talking to salespeople in the store! And not only did I call, but I actually managed to keep it together throughout the whole conversation and didn’t even cry. I know, astonishing! Totally due to the Ativan I took beforehand, no doubt, but even so. I was assertive about what I wanted, but I was very calm and polite and tried to be reasonable, and in the end I’m okay with what they’re doing. Really though, it’s like I was an entirely different person.

Still kind of fed up with the whole thing though. I think I must have been born under an unlucky star, as people say! But I’ll just have to keep going with needing a second person to hold my oven door open (haven’t heard anything back, Troy is going to chase it up tomorrow) and having to wash twice as many loads of washing as normal because the loaner washing machine is only a 7kg one.

Anyone want to lay bets on what the next appliance or other item in my house will be to die?

I’m starting Light and Easy again tomorrow. I had my first week delivered today (at 4.46am, according to the emailed ‘we’ve delivered your food’ notice) so tomorrow it’s on. Although I must guiltily admit that I had already decided that on Friday I will still participate in the random chocolate drawing and pizza and movie night anyway, so it’s going to be an easy first day, lol. Anyway, hopefully it works – I really do feel like I have to do something. Two of my (necessary) medications cause high cholesterol so that’s becoming a problem, and the tendonitis issue I’ve been having is getting worse (my last couple of supermarket trips have been painful). Whether weight loss helps with that I don’t know, but it’s worth a try. And after the difficultly I had buying pants recently and finding anything comfortable (and giving up and starting to wear tracksuit pants all the time!) I feel like losing a couple of kilos and being able to pick up a pair of pants at Kmart is probably worth the general sadness of dieting. Not that Light and Easy is that bad, it’s all proper food and some of it is really pretty good – I got a bit tired of the dinners last time (they have a huge variety, but the ones I am willing to eat is a pretty small subset) but it was easy to do and it did work.

I actually just checked back in my journal (it is SO handy having this all tagged sometimes) and I did Light and Easy for 9 weeks starting in April 2016 and lost 7.2kg. So I’ll just have to see how it goes this time.

Tuesday 17 March 2020

Another day, more coronavirus chaos. The supermarkets continue to have less available every day and are now moving to reduced hours. At the moment the following either cannot be bought at all, or are massively scarce around here – toilet paper, paper towel, tissues, hand sanitiser, hand soap, pads, pasta, rice, sauces, meat, flour, beans, sugar, cat litter, and UHT milk. Things like cereal, biscuits, canned veggies, spreads, and cordial are rapidly disappearing. I went back in the afternoon (I had to drop Nicholai’s hi-vis vest off for work since he forgot it) and there was no bread, no fresh milk, and fresh fruit and veg were very thin on the ground too.

They’re going to open the supermarket early for elderly and disabled people only, which I think is a good thing to help people out. It’s all just so crazy. I am genuinely thinking if this doesn’t settle down soon the government is actually going to have to issue ration cards or something, because while the current situation with buying limits is helping everyone to get things, in the longer term it makes it difficult for households with more than one or two people. I’m limited to one tray of mince and one packet of pasta (I mean, I would be limited to that IF I could get some, which I can’t!) and in combination that would be one meal for this family. So even if I don’t want to go the supermarket every day I pretty much have to.

(Although we are fine for now, and I managed to get a litre of fresh milk today and have tomorrow’s dinner down as spag bog that I made and froze a couple of weeks ago, so I am actually really looking forward to one day that I don’t have to go into a supermarket!)

More businesses are closing, more events being cancelled. Jericho and I were going to Shrek the musical in a couple of weeks with Naomi and Inbal, and that’s been called off and ticket money refunded. The high school has moved to staggered lunch times, stopped the kids from congregating inside during lunch, and are keeping the year levels segregated to various areas of the yard. While they currently have no firm plans to close, Nicholai said his teachers are preparing for the possibility as much as they can. Most of the teachers already use Google Classroom to share stuff, and they’ve signed the older kids back up to Education Perfect (the online platform Jericho does most of his homework through) and his English teacher is working on video link ups for classes.

I am still massively stressed about managing daily life, but there are moments that make me really laugh. Like Jericho and our apocalypse hotdogs. We have had a can of canned hotdogs in our pantry for something like ten years – I have no idea why Troy bought them, and who was expected to eat them. I can’t think of too many things more disgusting than hotdogs in a can! (Although I will say that I am probably the only one in the family that thinks that way.) But they’ve lived in our pantry, and whenever anyone has said anything about throwing them away Troy has always said, “When the zombie apocalypse comes you’ll be glad of them!” and just replaced them in the pantry while everyone else laughs at him. Then on the weekend when we were discussing our apocalypse prep Jericho was listening and then he disappeared into the pantry and came out carefully cradling the can of hotdogs like it was the holy grail. His face was absolutely glowing as he held it out to us and breathlessly said, “Is it time? Will we get to eat the apocalypse hotdogs at last?” It was so funny, I laughed so much, but I also said to Jericho that perhaps it was – if we wind up in actual lockdown then the canned hotdogs will probably come into play and he can live out his dreams and eat them!

I also laughed at the supermarket this afternoon. I got the last litre of whole milk, and then an old man walked up beside me and was all, “Lite milk? Is this what’s it’s come to?” He saw me looking at him and he kind of shook his head and said, “I’ve already had to buy low-calorie sugar, and now this?” He had the low-calorie sugar in his hand as he said this, and he just had the most contemptuous look on his face as he looked at it, and his voice was so utterly scathing and disgusted…it was genuinely hilarious. But I was just like this old dude probably just wants milk and sugar for his tea and look at what’s left for him. And really…what the hell even IS low calorie sugar?

I also went to the doctor this morning. She seemed quite nice and very thorough, as she actually read all the letters from the dietician and gastroenterologist and checked on my last blood test results etc, but she also only wrote me a single prescription for my medication with no repeats on it, and I just about had a breakdown in the pharmacy when I realised this. I mean in the end it doesn’t matter, I have another appointment and can get another prescription before it runs out, but it was just like one more thing on heaped on me unexpectedly and I’m not exactly coping brilliantly right now.

I think I was also a little upset because I went in intending to get a prescription and get an order for a blood test, and I’ve come out being booked in for a health screening. This is obviously a good thing in being proactive about my health, but I just felt a little railroaded into it – it’s a bulk billed procedure and they check blood pressure, weight etc and do an ECG, which the doctor said is all great to have as a baseline and I sort of said oh yeah. Because obviously it IS a good thing to do! But I didn’t realise I was actually saying yes I want to do it.

The other thing about all this, is that in telling me about these things the doctor also mentioned my weight several times which…okay, I get it. It’s a problem, I KNOW that, but I actually don’t need a nurse to weigh and measure me and tell me that. I see it every time I look at myself. I hate it, but given everything else I’m dealing with it’s also not something I feel currently able to change. Losing weight is not something I can do easily or casually or without a really big, sustained effort and a lot of deprivation, and the truth is that my mental health does not currently have the resilience required for that. And this doctor has never met me and doesn’t know any of that of course, but she also didn’t ask and just seemed to be assuming a lot of things. I know it’s her job and all, and I’m oversensitive and an idiot, but it left me feeling like shit.

Thursday 6 June 2019

Another day of work today. I don’t really like my job, but I do like that it’s not a big deal if I have to start late every rainy day because I’ve driven the kids to school so they don’t have to start the day off wet.

Troy went back to the doctor today, as they’d called him and asked him to come back in to discuss his tests results. It’s not terribly serious, but his cholesterol and kidney function results weren’t ideal. So we are going to have to suck it up and refocus on eating better and getting in some regular exercise again.

I say ‘we’ because obviously I am in need of all these things too. I was doing really well last year with running, but then I had to stop when I had my gallbladder surgery and I’ve never got back to it. Mostly because I started work and was too tired/ stressed/ depressed by that to have the mental fortitude to force myself in to getting up early for regular exercise.

However, I would obviously rather my husband live to old age instead of dying of a premature heart attack, so if that means I have to get up and exercise and eat salads then that’s what we’ll do.

We’ve got to do something about our food anyway, just from a budgetary point of view. We’ve been tracking our spending this year, and five months into it we’ve realised we’re spending almost one and a half thousand dollars a month on food and groceries…like, what the hell? How can that be possible?? So yeah, we really need to start looking more closely at what we’re doing there.

I was having a kind of bad afternoon at work this afternoon (although not as bad as a ‘bad’ afternoon would have been four months ago, so I suppose I must say things are improving) and then Soren came in and drew me inspirational pictures on the office whiteboard. He rubbed most of them off before I could record them, but he left my favourite, which was this little calculator.