Tuesday 30 September 2014

I met up with Ellen and her kids for a picnic today, which was lovely! We had beautiful weather for it (actually too beautiful, I got sunburned!) and everyone had a good time. We met a park in Seymour, the one with the train and the playground that she and I once met at years ago, so it’s not really a bad drive for either of us.

Her kids are adorable. I’ve really enjoyed seeing all the nieces and nephews over these holidays, it’s amazing how much they’re all growing up! But Jesse’s going to school next year, and Quinn was sitting up today and Skyla is just the most hilariously adorable little thing ever. She’s so round and sturdy and has the funniest run and the cutest look about her; every time I looked at her I just laughed at the cuteness.

My kids had fun playing with their cousins too. It makes me proud of them that they do play so nicely with the younger kids. It’s also funny that they’re getting so BIG- Nicholai and Emma got bored with the playground and just wanted to hang around on the blanket and listen to the gossip!

Nicholai also sold a footy report to Ellen, who was very impressed. I believe the child made over $20 with this- I confess to being surprised that so many people paid money for his report, but to be honest it’s probably worth a dollar, and I have loved how proud and happy he has been to see other people enjoying and admiring his creation.

It also cracks me up that he signs them for people. Because his autograph is going to make it worth more, of course!

Nicholai and Quinn

Emma

Jericho

Soren, showing the gap in his mouth where his tooth fell out. The tooth next to it that looks so crooked is also wobbly and should fall out soon, so he’ll have a double gap across the bottom until the big ones grow in.

Jesse’s footy skills pretty much put my kids to shame, but he had a good time playing with Nicholai today.

Emma and Skyla collected flowers and rocks in the dry streambed.

Skyla showing Nick who’s boss.

This is how Quinn felt about being left with me while Elle took the other kids to the toilet!

Monday 29 September 2014

School holidays at home mode today. We drove back from Mum and Dad’s place yesterday, it was a long drive but not too bad. The kids are really good in the car for the most part, and even the dog isn’t any real trouble. We got home mid afternoon I guess, and basically just pulled everything out of the car and unpacked. Everyone was pretty tired, and it’s always nice to get back home.

The kids had a good time at Mum and Dad’s place. We went to the playground by the lake on Friday afternoon, and then Troy and the kids stayed at Mum and Dad’s house on Saturday and watched the (pretty terrible) grand final game. Mutari came over with Kareem and Samira and Jordan was there with Landon and Logan so it would have been a pretty busy house. I went to Rhiannon’s house with Mum and Lee and we all stayed there for some girly chat.

We did have a run-through footy banner though! Nicholai asked me a few times before we went if I thought “Nan would be hard at work on the banner?” I was not too sure about this, I think mum’s interest in making football banners has waned, but Nicholai really wanted one. In the end mum bought the crepe paper and said if Nicholai would help her she would make one, and even my son the anti-crafter couldn’t turn down an offer like that.

Soren lost his first tooth on the drive home though, that was probably the most excitement we had! It’s been wobbly for ages and now it’s finally out. He got his $2 from the tooth fairy last night and is quite impressed with the whole deal.

Today was good. The kids entertained themselves quite well this morning, I think being away for a couple of days makes them rediscover all their toys and the things they have to do here. They all went on the Wii and computer this afternoon and played outside in the beautiful sunshine. We went for a drive this afternoon, I had to get petrol so we did that, picked up my newest photobook of Emma at three years old, and bought picnic food to eat tomorrow when we meet up with Ellen and her kids.

I did a little bit of gardening this afternoon. The poison has worked on most of the things in the garden that I wanted to kill, so I pulled out a bit of dead and dying weedy growth. I found two skinks too, which was fun- they’re so cute. The kids and I all got to have a little hold and look at them and then we let them go. Anyway, the garden still looks like a disaster but maybe one day it won’t.

I know this journal is really boring and blah tonight, but I’m just not feeling it. We had fish and chips for tea tonight and I actually asked Troy to go and get the dinner and the dog with all the children, just so I could have some silence and alone time. It was good, although perhaps not long enough!

Friday 26 September 2014

Nicholai’s career as a paid sports journalist has begun. He’s created a 14 page Grand Final Record which he somehow conned my dad into printing out and selling to his friends at work at for $1. So far he’s made $8 and he’s over the moon. He keeps picking up the little plastic money bag and looking at it, and making his already neat remainder copies into a neater pile, and it’s awesome to see him so happy.

He did a good job with it too! It looks quite slick- it’s all done in columns with pictures and it’s actually quite readable (which is not always Nicholai’s strong suit). He’s included some stats and info about past grand finals, and he’s written some articles about the Brownlow medal winner, about the upcoming grand final and what he thinks is going to happen and what will be important in influencing the result, and a recap of the season that was. There are a few tables for information, and then he’s also written a quiz and word search for the back puzzle pages.

Anyway, after all that, if anyone would like a mail order copy send him a dollar and he’ll post one back to you, ha ha ha!

We’ve been hanging out at Mum and Dad’s house, which has been good. The kids have been playing a lot of games, playing outside, drawing…the usual things. They play on the computer here but there’s no internet and no Zoo Tycoon (which is their favourite offline game at the moment) so they’re happy to just have their regular turns and then go and do other things.

We’ve seen Lee and Rhiannon and their children too, which I love. Although I’ve been so surprised this time by how much all those kids have grown! I think part of it is that I have the ‘big’ kids, so in my mind the cousins are younger and I think of half of them as being babies/ toddlers…but of course they’ve all grown up into real kids by now! I always wish we could see them more often, but since we don’t it’s sometimes fun to see how changed they are since the last time.

Our drive up wasn’t too bad. It will be so much easier a year from now when Soren can read enough to amuse himself with books in the car! As it is he sits there and stares out the window for a while and once we get to Ballarat we usually put on a dvd. The others read and then watch the dvd and I don’t think they really mind the time. I like having the chance to just sit and talk with Troy for a couple of hours too.

I don’t think we’re going to do anything super exciting while we’re here. Maybe just go to the playground and ordinary fun things like that. Tomorrow is the grand final so Nicholai will certainly watch that with Dad. I might do what we did last year and go with Mum and Lee and Rhiannon and hang out somewhere else, away from the football!

Tuesday 23 September 2014

I am so mad and frustrated right now. Troy left work early this afternoon, so I was looking forward to having someone to help me get ready to go to Mum and Dad’s place. Just once I didn’t want to be one person getting everything six people and a dog need to go away organised, as well as organising the animals left behind. We also needed to clean out the car because it’s full of rubbish and coats and plastic tubs and won’t fit in any of our bags.

But my previous computer was ready to be picked up at the shop so when Troy left work he wen to get that. Which is only in freaking Clayton, mind you. Anyway, he gets there and they bring out the computer and tell him that Samsung replaced the harddrive or the motherboard or whatever vital part wasn’t working. That’s all good, and then Troy asks about the 4gb of memory that was never connected (it was supposed to have 8 I think, but only half of it was connected- no wonder the thing worked like crap) and they had to check and OH NO, it’s not done. So they then rang Samsung, who want the computer back. So they’ve had this computer since the SECOND OF AUGUST and it’s still not fixed.

I am absolutely overcome with impotent rage. Because this is absolutely APPALLING service and there is not one single damn thing I can do about it!

Except you know, hate Samsung and never buy another computer from them ever again. Which I’m sure has them crying into their millions of dollars.

And because he had to drive all that way and then wait while the shop called Samsung and sorted out what to do with the computer, Troy is now driving back in peak hour traffic and won’t get home until after our regular tea time. So the car will not be cleaned properly (or at all, let’s be honest) and I have to do all the packing ANYWAY and now I’m crying because life is just too hard.

I’m never going anywhere again. I hate packing and I hate driving five hours with four kids in the car and really I just hate everything.

I was already stressed anyway, because we had a letter from the high school yesterday detailing what they want with their ipad program for next year. So that’s a lot of money, obviously, and then today I went on their website and discovered price lists for uniforms, books, and school fees and realised that it’s going to cost close to $2000 for us to start Nicholai off at school next year. (Which is excluding the computer that we had to buy for him this year, with next year in mind). Let me just say that once you have to buy ipads and $50 school trousers, a free education isn’t all that free.

It was all set up to be a calm and relaxing day too! Jericho, Emma and Nicholai were booked into a kids cartooning activity at the RACV club in the city so Jean picked them up at 8.30 this morning. I was up then, to help organise them and do Emma’s hair (she really has to learn to do that herself) and so once they’d all gone and Troy had gone to work, Soren and I took off for the shopping centre.

It was fun being just the two of us really. “Like when I was four!” he told me, like it was a million years ago. Soren was actually quite delighted to have me all to himself for the day, he always was a big mama’s boy.

We didn’t have anything very exciting to buy- just a couple of short sleeve t-shirts for Nicholai, since all his ones from last year have either been thrown in the bin or given to Jericho. So we bought them and some socks, and then went to the supermarket for lunch things and cat food.

When we came home we snuggled up on the couch and he watched Star Wars- the Clone Wars, then we just had lunch and kind of hung out until he went on the computer, where he stayed until the others came home. It was good.

The older three had a great time at the cartooning class, and bought their beautiful drawings home for me. They got a couple of little ‘how to draw’ booklets from the artist who ran the class and they’ve shared them with Soren, so he’s trying to do it too. Now I’m organising to go them through the bath and to help packing their stuff up, and whenever Troy gets back we’ll have pizza for tea.

Monday 22 September 2014

I had the joy of Ikea flatpacks today. And the non-joy of the pain in my thumb from using that hard little allen key to screw it all together.

We went to Ikea yesterday and bought two lamps and a metal table thing that we’re going to use just inside the back door to put cat food on the top and shoes on the two shelves. The lamps were for my study (a floor lamp to read by in the armchair) and a floor lamp for Jericho and Soren’s room since their ceiling light is so dim they’re practically playing in the dark in there. It wasn’t a bad trip, especially considering it was a Sunday afternoon- it was crowded but we only had Emma and Soren which made it much easier to navigate.

Nicholai and Jericho weren’t with us because they went with Steve to the VFL grand final. Footscray were playing, and since they’re the reserves team for Nicholai’s beloved Bulldogs he really wanted to see it. They both had a good time, made even better when Footscray won at the end of a close game. Nice for Nick to see his team take victory for once!

Today was the first weekday of the holidays. As always, I am just astounded by how LOUD my kids are! Seriously, they played together really well today (generally speaking) but they do it all at maximum volume and it just makes my head ring! I keep thinking they’re fighting, but they’re all just yelling at each other for fun. They played a game of Monopoly this morning (even Soren, that was a little surprising) and used up all their poker chips on electronics in the afternoon. Nicholai made up a soccer league and planned out the draw, and Emma and Jericho and Soren all played in a mud puddle that smelled like a bog. It was gross.

I made the Ikea stuff and baked a cake and did some writing and refereed the children. The usual stuff. Quite frankly I’m thinking it’s going to be bedtime very soon for some children. Or many children, ha ha ha.

 

Saturday 20 September 2014

Jericho spent part of today hobbling around using the rainbow, glitter filled baton as a cane and peering through Harry Potter glasses while he called himself Professor Pinstall. I have no idea where this character came from, but he was completely hilarious. His voice, his face, his sticking out neck and hunched over back…it was so completely well done. Perhaps he should become an actor?

Professor Pinstall was probably the highlight of my day really, although it wasn’t a bad day. Just a little bit boring? Troy had to work this morning, so it was just the kids and I at first. Troy came home only long enough to collect Emma and take her away to her riding lesson, and then after lunch Steve picked up Nicholai and took him to his football presentation day, so it was just Jericho and Soren and I for a while.

Emma’s riding lesson went well apparently- she was very happy because she “nearly fell off but managed to get back up on the saddle!” Since she seems to take after me in the falling off ponies sense (ie it happens a lot!) this is a good result for her! She rode Caprice again which makes a big difference, as Caprice is clearly a much easier horse to ride than some of the others she’s tried. Jean thought she might get Caprice back home for the summer holidays which would be good, I think Emma would like that.

Emma and Troy came home with afternoon tea and the dvd of Mr Peabody and Sherman, which the kids watched once Nicholai came back home. They all liked it a lot (actually, I liked it too, what I saw of it) and were quiet and happy and not arguing for a couple of hours, which is always nice.

They’ve all gone to bed now, and Troy is currently channel hopping through about four movies…which kind of drives me nuts, but I don’t actually want to watch any of the movies enough to insist he stay on one, so here we are!

I went back to the psychologist last night. It turned out it has been three months since I saw her last, which is longer than I thought. And yes, in case you had any doubts, avoidance is obviously one of my most used strategies for dealing with my psychological issues! As I’ve said, the more I don’t want to go the more I’m actually avoiding something hard to deal with, so the more important it is that I actually pull myself together and go.

I hope that we can get somewhere this time. I do think the medication is working to keep me stable enough and undepressed enough that I can actually start dealing with some of my issues and making changes that will have a positive impact on my life. I can’t change my brain chemistry, but I know there are ways in which my thought processes and inner beliefs hurt my attempts to live an emotionally stable life. Dealing with that won’t change the fact that I have this mental illness, but it might help me cope with it better.

Professor Pinstall’s assistant.

Friday 19 September 2014

Last day of term. Very, very tired. Kids did jump rope for heart at school today and it was gorgeous and adorable.

Thursday 18 September 2014

I’m really not having a great week. I don’t even now why- just very anxious and jittery and kind of more sad and tearful than I have been. I don’t think it’s anything dreadful, just some regular blahness, but it’s not fun.

Nicholai and Emma were supposed to be playing football today, with me driving them to the oval at 10am. I took Jericho and Soren to school at the regular time and then went home for half an hour, then right as we were heading out the door we had a call from the school to say that the football was cancelled. So I just drove the two of them to school instead.

I had craft this afternoon. I printed out food bingo cards until the printer ran out of ink and then laminated them. They look so good! I was quite disappointed that I didn’t have enough ink to finish them off, but I’ll do the rest another day. I’m not teaching again until next term, so even if I want to use them first lesson back I’ve still got lots of time.

I’m not teaching tomorrow because the kids have Jump Rope for Heart. Which I’ve failed to organise sponsorship for- I’m just so stressed by the constant stream of demands for money from the school that have been going on all year now! I mean, today the kids came home asking about the sponsorship money for tomorrow’s skipping, then they told me they have to take a gold coin donation to wear football colours, and Jericho and Soren both had permission forms and money requests for the swimming program, which is $120 each. All this after we’ve done all those jars and I paid $100 last week for four wristbands so the kids can go on rides at the school fete in October, and they paid a gold coin donation for wearing casual clothes and watching an ice bucket challenge last week as well.

I realise the school is not asking for money constantly to persecute me. It’s all for a good cause, and I like that the children are getting involved in social causes and learning to think about other people. They’ll have fun at the fete, and of course swimming lessons are great for them. But it’s still a lot and it still freaks me out right now!

I’m going to stay and watch the skipping tomorrow. It will be good to see the kids do it and they’ll like having me there to watch. Not just my kids either actually – when I was there to pick up the kids after school today several other stray children asked me about doing Indonesian tomorrow and when I said we wouldn’t because they’d be skipping, but I’d stay and watch them skip instead, they were all delighted.

I also have an appointment with the psychologist, which I am dreading. I haven’t been to see her for about two months probably- the last session ended with me in tears and refusing to talk to her (basically) and I failed to make an appointment as I left. So I’ve just been avoiding the issue for quite a long time now! However I’ve done the right thing and made an appointment for tomorrow, even though I didn’t want to. Although as I was joking with Catherine during craft today, probably the more you don’t want to go the more you need to go.

Wednesday 17 September 2014

We got the dogs back today. Troy and Jean put up some temporary fencing last night so the backyard is secure and safe for them. I picked up Luna on my way to school so she could come with me, and then the kids and I picked up Pedro on the way home.

Poor Pedro seems kind of exhausted and extra rickety after his little holiday. I guess keeping up with the other dogs and going on a long walk was a bit too much for the old man. There was no way he was going to be able to get in the car under his own steam- he got his front half up and then he would have fallen if he didn’t have the car floor holding him up under his belly I just had to grab his back legs and kind of lift them up and shovel him along the floor at the same time.

Luna went berserk when she saw me. She has definitely missed us- missed being allowed inside and sleeping on her armchair anyway! No, I don’t think she liked spending most of the day without human company while Steve and Jean were at work. She was probably as tired as Pedro, she slept for two hours at school and then came home and slept the rest of the afternoon away.

I had a psychiatrist appointment this morning. Nothing too exciting- just a check in to see how it’s all going. My next appointment is in six weeks rather than four though, so that’s a step forward. I’m keeping my current medication as is, since I’ve been pretty stable, but I’m adding the contraceptive pill back in. I stopped taking it at the start of this whole mess because I wasn’t using it to prevent pregnancy and the psych wanted to eliminate the possibility of that affecting my mood. But I was on it for my skin, and my skin is so bad now I’m embarrassed to go out in public. Not to mention that I can’t stop picking at it, which is just making a bad mess worse. Anyway, I’m going to go back on it and see how things go- fingers crossed it’s only positive things.

I came home long enough to get lunch after that appointment and then collected Luna on my way up to the school. Jericho’s class do a presentation at the end of term where the kids are able to show off some of their work and share what they’ve been learning over the term. I’ve never been to one though- first term I was too depressed to leave the house and then last term it was on a Friday and I was teaching – and Jericho was desperate that I come to this one. He is definitely our child who needs the most individual attention and gets the most validation from something being solely about him. I was really glad to go though- I really am interested in what the kids are learning and I like seeing them get a chance to put themselves forward with a performance and get some applause and appreciation for the work they put in.

Admittedly today’s presentation was a little long. They joined with the grade 3s, and the whole thing took two hours. It’s a long time to be sitting on a child-sized hard brown chair! I don’t mind watching all the other kids though. I know them all from teaching them of course, and it’s good to see them doing some different things. Although of course I like watching my own kids best! Jericho did a powerpoint presentation about walruses with Lily, and then the two of them did a science experiment about the human heart that involved a cup, a balloon and two straws and they performed beautifully.

Monday 15 September 2014

I had one of those days today where I just felt so bored and fed up with doing the same housework over and over again! Washing the same clothes, the same Tupperware, the same child losing school jumpers again, vacuuming up the same mess from Luna chewing things…mostly they’re the things you deal with without even thinking about it because they happen so regularly, but today it felt like a lot.

I was up at the school a little early this afternoon, so I got to see the kids practising their skipping for Friday’s Jump Rope for Heart. It was so good, I’m so impressed with how they’ve improved! It’s funny to see though. Jericho skips so solemnly. He doesn’t look unhappy, I think he enjoys it, but he frowns like skipping is serious business. Emma is pretty good, she skips like girls that age do- like it’s totally natural. Nicholai can do a regular forward skip, but he looks like it’s an effort and he can’t do anything else. Soren is just flat out hilarious. He skips from the shoulder, keeping his arms straight and swinging them way over his head and way out in front of him at a million miles an hour. He then kind of bends forward as he jumps, watching the rope so he can leap over it, but then he forgets to actually keep skipping, so his hand stop down at his hips and the rope just flies up and whacks him the back of the head. Then he stops and starts this all over again. It was adorable, and every time he saw me watching I’d give him the thumbs up sign and he’d smile so big. He’s so proud of himself for being a big school kid!

We’re trying to chase up what’s happening with the fence, and the dogs are staying at Steve and Jean’s house in the meantime. I miss having my puppies! Troy had to take Luna’s sweaters over there tonight, because she was shaved today and she was too cold having to stay outside, and he said she went mad when he got there. She clearly misses us. Unsurprisingly, since Jean doesn’t let her inside to sleep on the heating vents, which is what she does here! Pedro is much more laid back- I know he likes us but he’s quite familiar with their place and he knows he’ll be coming home.

My favourite flowers in my yard.

There are heaps of these spiders in the yard. They’re quite small, you don’t see them until you’re looking closely at the plants, but I love the way the patterns on the body look like a scary face.

And my Ootchy Mootchy cat.