Sunday 14th July 2019

We drove down to Jean and Steve’s house today. It’s kind of a long day, driving down for lunch and then back again, but it’s not too bad and it was good to go and see them. They’d been over at Nana’s home in the morning and packed up her room, so all her things were in bags and boxes on the dining table. It feels weird to see it like that – at the end of a life, is that what it comes down to? It didn’t seem like enough. Of course this comes after we’ve already moved Nana from her house to the retirement village unit, and then to the single room in the nursing home, so the last few years have already been paring it down to the minimum. I suppose it makes it easier in some ways, that all those practical issues are so simple right now – they will need to arrange the funeral, and that’s mostly it. I mean, Nana does still own a house, but it’s is being rented out and that will just continue because Jean and Steve plan to live there eventually so no need to organise a sale or anything. And Jean’s the only child, so while that means she has to do everything it also means that she can just go ahead and do it.

Weirdly that’s perhaps the thing that I have found the most disturbing about the whole thing, the idea that Jean is the only one left. He siblings died as children, her parents are now both gone and so she doesn’t have anyone else who was part of her story from the start. Like, she’s not alone at all, obviously her husband and kids and twelve grandchildren and her cousins are still around, but it’s just…I don’t know. I don’t know why it bothers me. There’s Nana’s sister too, who is still alive and is now the last one left, and I think that in some ways that would be a hard place to be. Maybe it’s just the idea of there being no people left who knew you when you were just you?

I got a bit of knitting on my cardigan done today though, which was great! It’s been too cold to knit at basketball for the past few weeks so it’s been completely stalled, but I knitted in the car both directions today and did a few rows while I was there. I’m working on the back of the cardigan and the rows are really wide so this doesn’t mean there was loads of visible progress, but every little bit helps I guess. And I’ve done enough that I was able to rest the weight of it on my lap instead of having it all hanging off the needles which meant that it doesn’t hurt my hands as much when I’m working on it.

The kids all go back to school tomorrow. Soren’s looking forward to it, Jericho’s dreading it, Nicholai and Emma are somewhere in between.

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