Sunday 6 August 2017

Omg, the money. The money! Children are SO expensive, and their ‘free’ education is anything but. Today I really question my judgement in having four children and being a single-income family!

Ugh, the question of working is plaguing me, and has been ever since we moved. Everyone asks, and I just do not know what to say. Even just thinking about it now is giving me a stomachache.

I went through all the notices on the bench tonight, to sign and pay and file, and there were a lot of ‘pay’ things for the kids and school. It’s difficult because I really want them to have a lot of good experiences with school, but all the extras cost money.

Although, now that I actually think about it, Nicholai has only three and a half more years of school that we have to pay for. Three and a half more years, that’s nothing! Four and a half more years for Emma! Omg, my kids are getting so old and it just freaks me out. I mean, that won’t be the end of it, they will probably go to uni and we will have to help with that, but they might turn around and get a job, who knows.

Today was okay. Nicholai caught the train down to Melbourne, to go to Royal Park to watch the International Cup. This is teams from overseas playing Aussie Rules football against each other- it’s kind of surprising how many countries actually field a team. I’m really pleased with his growing independence, he found out the train timetables and got there, spent the day, and then came back without any trouble at all.

The rest of us stayed home. Troy played Monopoly with the other kids all morning, which I found unbearable – Jericho is so negative about everything and listening to him go on was driving me crazy. I don’t know what to do with him- what do you do with a child whose mindset is so negative all the time? He always expects the worst and looks for it, so of course he finds it. Any obstacle in his path is an insurmountable, and he flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. It’s such a difficult situation, because while he needs to change his behaviour, it all stems from his mindset and changing that is so damn hard- it’s hard for an adult, let alone a child. His anxiety, his catastrophising, his emotional volatility…it all makes for a child who is quite frequently unhappy, and I wish I could help him find his way to an easier mindset.

And I am very aware that in describing Jericho I am describing many of my own worst traits…but empathy and insight aren’t helping me to find a way to get through to him.

Troy and I took Jericho and Soren to Subway for lunch, which they loved. Jericho has seen meatball subs on the ads and has wanted to eat one for ages- it lived up to his dreams, apparently.

I started knitting a scarf for Soren today, even though I haven’t finished my socks yet. But when we were at hockey yesterday morning he was wearing a scarf I knitted for him when he was about four, and he’s a lot bigger than he was then! So I decided he needs a longer scarf, and I still have yarn from the mermaid tail blanket left (which has been the yarn that just keeps giving – the mermaid tail blanket, a baby cardigan, a dog sweater and now a scarf). I wanted to do something nice for him- moving has been tough on him, and with Jericho struggling like he was this weekend Soren often ends up bearing the brunt of that. So knitting a special scarf just for him might be a good way of reminding him how much we love him.