Monday 1st May 2017

We had the ninth inspection of our house today. It was at 3.30, which is pretty convenient for us because that’s when I have to leave to get the boys from school anyway. I messaged Nicholai and Emma to go to the office instead of going home, then I stopped by the office and picked them up, and by the time we got home the inspection was done.

The vendor statement was supposed to be ready today (we don’t actually do this, a conveyance firm does it from information that we have supplied) too. When I talked to Bill this morning he said that he has told the people who have been really interested in putting in an offer that we are looking for $600, but people should take into account the amount of interest there has been when they decide what to offer. In other words- lowballing will get you nowhere, and offering a bit more might be what it takes. As always, we’re still just waiting and seeing what transpires.

As a consequence for not doing his homework, Nicholai has lost his electronic devices for the week. There was a lot of moaning and groaning and making sure to let me know exactly how unfair I was being about the whole thing, and then he trudged off to his room and played sad ukulele songs. It’s probably wrong of me that I laughed, but at least I didn’t let him see me.

I talked to Benita on the phone today. This also involved a conversation with Winnie, since she was also there and is now such a big girl that she wants to talk on the phone. It was so funny just to be talking to her, like she’s a big grown up girl holding a real conversation. And it was a real conversation- I mean, she mostly told me things, but I would ask a question and she would answer it, even checking with Benita if she wasn’t sure. And she talks really well- the only time I couldn’t understand her was when she was telling me about footy cards, and even then I knew it was about football something. I love the idea that we’ll be living close enough to them that she will actually know who I am.

Really, I just think I needed that phone call today. I’ve been feeling rather burdened down with the people who, while ‘supporting’ our choice, are not actually all that happy about it. Like Troy’s family and his work partners. Between feeling like I’m letting them all down and being stressed about everything involved in selling our house, I guess I’ve forgotten that we’re moving closer to my family, that that is a good thing, and that I’m allowed to be happy about it.

I had a doctor appointment this afternoon. I really do like the doctor I’ve been seeing, but it still wasn’t the most cheering appointment. She thinks the previous diagnosis of psoriatic arthritis is probably the right one. It’s an arthritis type pain, and when she looked at my feet she said that all the nail problems are caused by psoriasis. (Which means I have wasted a lot of time treating a non-existent fungal infection, and also explains why it didn’t work!) My toenails are just really, embarrassingly disgusting basically, which is another reason I wear crocs all summer instead of open toed shoes, so no one can see them! I’m so scared that my fingernails are going to go the same way. A couple of them have some really minor issues that are attributable to psoriasis, and I’m desperately hoping that they don’t get worse. Unfortunately there’s nothing I can do to prevent it, or fix it- it just is what it is.

Anyway, the doctor has ordered more blood tests to look for arthritis markers and also given me a referral for an x-ray of my hands to see what the joints are looking like. We’ll figure out what to do about it once we have that information. In the meantime she said if I need to I can take some panadol to help with the pain, but because of my liver I should keep it to half the recommended maximum dose. She’s ordered a retest of my liver function alongside the other blood test – it was improving last time we checked and getting close to normal, so I hopefully it’s in a healthy enough state to cope with whatever medication can help the arthritis.

It’s just all so much. Too much. I’m like a 90 year old woman with all my health problems, but without the excuse of old age. She didn’t tell me anything today that I didn’t really already know, but there is something about adding another thing to the already extensive list of things wrong with me that I have to deal with that just makes me feel very small and hopeless and sad.

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