Saturday 24 September 2016

I finished the painting today, and it looks like a whole different house. I really, really like it, and that’s something I would never have imagined I would say about grey paint!

It’s not just the paint though. Because I’ve been painting I’ve had to actually sweep down cobwebs and clean windows and screens, and put away the pile of bags and the esky that have been taking up space in my kitchen corners for the past year…stuff like that, which would have made a big difference even without paint.

We’re not finished with all the organising and tidying up yet. The loungeroom is still a bit of a wreck, and the kitchen curtains still need to be put back up. The hardware had half pulled out of the wall so we took it out and filled in the holes and will reinstall it at a slightly higher point on the wall. New curtains would be good for the kitchen, since the ones we have are really faded, but it can wait. I’ve taken down all the sheers too – the dog had kind of wrecked them along the bottom so they really needed to be replaced, but our garden has grown up a bit and so I don’t feel as though the privacy they offer is as necessary as it was.

I’ve been working on this puppet project with the children along with the painting. It hasn’t been as good as I hoped. Emma and Soren are having fun, and I am enjoying making them, but Jericho is making the whole activity so stressful that it is kind of overshadowing the positive. I had really hoped that doing it at home would give him the time and space to relax and let his creativity go, but it hasn’t happened. He’s riddled with anxiety about the whole thing, hyper critical of everything he does, and really exhausting to try and manage.

He’s just so difficult. And it’s so hard to deal with the fact that it doesn’t matter how hard I try, he’s still not happy. Sometimes I am just so scared of his future.

The Bulldogs are playing in the preliminary final tonight and Nicholai has been so nervous about it all day. The game has been really close too (it’s on now as I’m typing this, we’re all in the loungeroom watching it), so there has been no relaxation for him in watching it! He’s grown up though, a couple of years ago a game like this would have had him in tears from the stress of it, but he’s quite composed tonight, at least at the moment. I want them to win so much though …I don’t think I’ve ever cared about a football game as much as this one, and it’s just because a win would make my little bear so happy.

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