Tuesday 30 August 2016

We practised wrapping a toga tonight. It was surprisingly difficult, but I think we’ve figured it out and should be good to go in the morning.

I made a start on my teacher registration project today. Or at least I tried to…it doesn’t make much more sense now than it did when I first heard about it. I have a whole book about how to design and write up the project, but half of it doesn’t even make sense to me, and even the parts that I do understand have me a little baffled as to why this needs to be done. At the start of the year I decided that my project would be based around introducing the foundation children to LOTE and Indonesia, and I planned the lessons and carried them out. It worked reasonably well, and I have the info from that to write it up now (if I can just work out what the stupid questions are actually asking for), but in looking at the criteria today I realised I was supposed to have my mentor teacher observe me teaching 3 times during the project phase (of 4-6 weeks? And who is supposed to look after her class while she’s watching me?) but I didn’t do that. So I’m not sure if that means I will have to begin the whole process again.

I do wonder though, since I am having so much trouble with this project, if I’m really cut out to be a teacher. Surely if I was even basically competent it wouldn’t be this hard? Basically, doing this project has taken my already somewhat shaky confidence in being a teacher and ground it away to dust.

I don’t know what to do about it from here, honestly. I feel completely useless – I don’t even know what questions to ask to help me figure it out. I will have to talk to my mentor teacher, but I don’t think shoving the 59 page book of instructions/ templates/ information at her, bursting into tears and saying, “I don’t get it” is really a professional approach to this, even if it most accurately describes my feelings right now.

Aside from crying about being a teaching failure, my day was somewhat blah in general. I went for a walk with the dog this morning, which was nice, and then did fun things like vacuum and colour my hair. I did a little bit of knitting on this green baby blanket. While I love the green colour, and this particular acrylic yarn is soft, I don’t really enjoy knitting with it. I don’t know, there’s just something about it that feels slightly off to me. Ugh. I don’t want to be a yarn snob (and let’s face it, I can’t afford to be a yarn snob!) but yeah, this yarn isn’t really doing it for me. The blanket will be pretty though.

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