Tuesday 23rd August 2016

Knitpicks (the company I bought the yarn from) saw my Game of Thrones socks on Instagram and asked if they could share them on their facebook wall. That is amazing – this is not someone selling yarn out of their back room, this is huge business and they liked my socks! I mean, I love them, but I still tend to feel as though I’m often just floundering my way through knitting things so this was some awesome approbation.

It was good to have something to pick me up a bit, because I was feeling pretty bad after I weighed myself and realised I’ve gained a bit of weight. I know that it’s my own fault, and I know what I’ve been doing to cause it, but I’m still feeling really demoralised by own obvious lack of self-control. Because that’s what it comes down to – I eat things I shouldn’t in amounts that I definitely shouldn’t.

I think it all just seemed extra depressing because, in going through all my photos, I have realised how few photos there are of me and of the ones we have I mostly feel bad when I look at them because of my weight. I hate that the kids won’t have pictures of me with them, because I don’t like for them to be taken. It is also incredibly discouraging to see how many years worth of gradual weight gain I’m dealing with, and see the correlation with my bipolar depression and the meds, and the PCOS. This is really, really hard and so far I’m not doing very well.

And while last night I dealt with my misery over gaining weight by eating ice cream (see: lack of self control and eating my feelings), this morning I took the dog and walked around the lake. It was funny actually, Luna saw me pick up my jacket and that obviously means “walk” to her because before I even said her name she ran to the front door wagging her tail all excitedly. She likes walking round the lake and sniffing all the other dogs, and she seems to like being able to run around a little bit in the off-lead area. The first time I took her there she didn’t go very far from me, but she was a lot more adventurous today.

I caught a lot of pokemon while I was there too, which was quite fun. I am a little bit bored with catching the same ones over and over and over again (it’s been an endless parade of Pidgeys and Zubats and Eevees) but I caught one new one which kind of made up for it. After school I took Jericho and Soren to Yering Station for a Pokemon walk, since they have two gyms and about five pokestops there. Jericho cracked me up, when I drove in through the gates he said, sounding really alarmed, “Isn’t this a fancy place? We won’t be welcomed in a fancy place!” He’s not wrong, it IS a fancy place, but it was pretty deserted this afternoon. It turned out to be the best pokemon walk of them all though, because we finally caught a Pikachu!

Apart from walking around catching Pokemon, I did a lot of cleaning today. The children’s toilet – ugh, it’s disgusting. Seriously, do those boys just pee on the floor or something? I did a very thorough scrub in my bathroom too, cobwebs and mirrors and every single nook and cranny. It was embarrassing though, I always clean the bathroom in my underwear so my clothes don’t get wet or get bleach products on them, which would be fine if Jean didn’t just walk in on me! She had come to borrow Troy’s car and she knew I was home, so when I wasn’t in the loungeroom she came looking for me. I had the fan on in the bathroom so I hadn’t heard her. I don’t know, she watched me give birth, but I was still pretty embarrassed about that today!


One thought on “Tuesday 23rd August 2016

  1. Your kids won’t care what you look like when they’re looking back at family photos. My mother posed for 2 Christmas card photos with me as a baby, and then once my sister was born my parents were never on a Christmas card photo again. The first family photo with the 4 of us was taken when I was 13 and my sister was 9. We have another when I was 17 and she was 13, and a third when we were in our 20s. We’re both in our 30s now and while we have lots of memories with our parents we don’t have very many photos of either of them and even fewer of us with them, and some day we may have kids who don’t remember their grandparents and we’ll wish we did have more to show them.

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