Tuesday 3rd May 2016

The boys had some excitement at school today. With the wild winds one of the trees in the pine forest began pulling out of the ground. It was close to the grade 5/6 room so, although it was leaning away from the classroom and over the fence to the vineyard, all the kids had to be evacuated to the library for the last part of the day. The SES came and roped off half the school and were then just waiting for everyone to go home so they could get the tree safely down.

I think it’s the first time a tree has come down in the pine forest. Certainly nothing has happened like this in the time we’ve been at the school and I hope this doesn’t make anyone in authority look twice and decide that the trees should be cut down as a precaution. I’ve never seen another school with an area like the pine forest for the kids to play in, and I love that we have it.

I had a bad day today. I don’t know, this is when I struggle with being a normal person. Normal people have bad days and it’s not a disaster, it’s just a bad day. I have a bad day and my thoughts just spiral out of control in terror that it’s going to turn into more than just a single bad day, and soon I’ll be fighting the monsters in my own head. It doesn’t mean that it’s going to go that way, I know that, but it’s still hard.

I caved and weighed myself today. This was absolutely the wrong thing to do, considering how I was feeling, but I am either an idiot or a masochist because I did it anyway. It’s so stupid because today I was not feeling good enough to just take it in stride, and I should have known that. Anyway, in the last four weeks I’ve lost 2.8 kilos. Which is fine, it’s completely in the range of healthy, expected weightloss for doing what I’m doing, but I still felt like shit about it. Just because it seems so little, and I have so far to go – how am I ever going to maintain motivation to do this?

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