Thursday 3rd March 2016

I taught this morning, and it went fairly well. Most of the kids I have this year are pretty good (or away/possibly left the school?), and the new prep class is absolutely delightful. They’re all so small and they’re all so awed by their own cleverness in being able to speak Indonesian after only a couple of lessons! That is definitely the part of the job I love, when I see the kids so happy and pleased with themselves for doing well.

Nicholai and Emma had the day off school today, since it was parent-teacher interviews. Not that we went to any parent teacher interviews. It really seems like too early in the year for them. After only a few weeks of school, how well can someone who only sees them for an hour a day (or usually less) know them and their abilities or areas of difficulty? I mean, I can see that the teacher would be well aware of problems, but Nicholai and Emma aren’t problems. I’m not worried about not going though, if any issue does come up I can email or ring the school and they’re pretty responsive, I think.

Chickens really are the most ridiculous and funny birds. I looked out in the yard yesterday and one of them was running in a crazy zig zag way across the lawn, wildly pecking at something…it turns out it was following a little cabbage moth and trying to catch it, but failing miserably. When I went out later to put them away there was only one chicken, scratching about at the grass, so I followed the sound of concerned clucking and found the other three all under the deck, peering out through the trellis and completely unable to find their way out again. Troy had to pull off part of the trellis to make an escape hatch for them!

I had a psychiatrist appointment yesterday, which was incredibly depressing. Mentally I’m doing great at the moment, everything’s good so we’re keeping the meds as is and hopefully I’ll continue to just cruise along for a while. However she got the results of all the blood tests I had done and my liver function is less than what it should be, so now we have to deal with that. She thinks I have fatty liver – seriously, isn’t it bad enough that I’m fat on the outside, now I am fat on the inside too???? I have to go to the GP and see what can be done about this, which I’m dreading because the only thing that CAN be done about this is dieting and losing weight. Which is not exactly something I’ve been successful at, to put it mildly.

The whole situation is really depressing, because I’m in this hideous position of my weight being both the cause and result of a lot of my bad health. Bipolar depression leads to inactivity and overeating, which leads to weight gain. I take medication to improve my mental health, but then the meds cause weight gain. I have PCOS and metabolic syndrome, which in a large part comes from being overweight, but those problems simultaneously cause weight loss to be an extremely slow and difficult undertaking. Exercise improves both physical and mental health, but aggravates the pain in my hips and back, which then makes exercise harder to do. Not to mention the fact that being fat is often seen as basically a moral failing (you’re only fat because you’re lazy/ greedy/ have no self discipline) so I then focus on all that negativity and start spiralling down into depression again. So it all just goes round in circles and I get nowhere except fatter and more depressed about it! I obviously have to do something, but quite frankly I’m feeling completely hopeless about the whole situation and I do not yet know what that something will be. I guess going to the doctor and seeing what they suggest is the next step, but my hopes are not high here.

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3 thoughts on “Thursday 3rd March 2016

  1. Man! I feel your pain, have the “fatty liver thing” as well found out less than a month ago, also diabetic and obese due to seroquel + convulex. I will have high hopes for you 🙂

    • I had never heard of it until the psychiatrist suggested it. It really hit a nerve because my weight is such an embarrassment and such a sore spot for me. It’s just one more thing in what feels like a whole long line of things, you know? Seroquel is one of my meds too, and since I’m doing well right now there’s no way I want to change anything med-wise! Whatever I am going to do about diet and weight is just going to have to work around medication.

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