Wednesday 7th October 2015

Jericho and Soren started swimming lessons again today. Jericho’s taken the past two terms off because of hockey, and Soren took last term off because Steve and Jean’s holiday meant that they’d be away for over half of it, and they’re the ones who take him. Both the boys were pretty excited to be going back to the pool and also, it has to be admitted, pretty excited to get the good bakery snack that Grandma always buys for them.

I had a psychiatrist appointment today. I’m in a bipolar depressive phase, she said, which wasn’t exactly a surprise. I haven’t been sad, but my motivation is non-existent and all I want to do is sleep. Truthfully on the school holidays I pretty much slept for thirteen hours every night, and even then I only got out of bed because I felt guilty, not because I felt rested. Now that we’ve gone back to school I have to get up in order to take the children to school, and it’s killing me.

As depressed as I might have been when I went in to the appointment, it was the kind of appointment where I was twenty times more depressed when I came out. We’re fiddling with the medication again, and we spent a lot of time talking about options there. She said while she’s absolutely confident in the bipolar diagnosis, apparently treating me is a little bit challenging. I haven’t responded to some of the medication the way she would like, so we’re going to have to just keep on trying different ones. I’m glad there are still options to try, but I’m so goddamn tired and thinking about having to do anything, even just changing medications and monitoring their effects, seems monumental.

And then I had to come home and do my planning for tomorrow. There were tears. I do not know how on earth I’m going to teach tomorrow, I really don’t, but I suppose I will just have to pull myself together and do it.

Emma has a gap between her two front teeth now. It is amazing how much those braces have moved her teeth in just six weeks, her front teeth used to overlap each other at an angle and now they’re straight with a gap in between them. Her canines aren’t in place yet, but there has been enough movement of the rest of her teeth to see the gaps where the canines will hopefully fit in soon. It’s actually really cool now to look at the plaster mould of her original mouth and see how different her teeth are. I guess she’s getting her money’s worth out of all this orthodontic treatment.

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