Saturday 4th July 2015

The amount of money we spend on my medications is staggering. It takes me twenty minutes to get out all the medication I need for the week and pop it out of the blister packs and organise it in the pill box. I’m like an old person. A very poor old person, who spends all their money on medicine! And I’m taking less now than I was! I realise that it’s impossible, but damn I wish I could just throw the whole lot away and not worry about it ever again. Imagine a life with no medication side effects. Of course, for me a life with no medication side effects is also a life shadowed by suicidal depression, so I suppose the risk/benefit analysis is always going to come down on the side of meds for me.

Today was a Saturday with no hockey, since it’s the school holidays. I was glad for this anyway, and then most of the morning the sky pouring with rain so I was even happier that we got to stay home.

I dyed the knitted overalls, and I think they’re adorable. I’d already dyed the top half yellow and today I dyed the bottom half blue, so there’s a nice blending greenish colour in the middle. I just need to let them dry and then sew on some rainbow buttons and I’m done.

The kids continue to annoy each other as sport and entertainment, which is driving me mad. Nicholai and Jericho are IMPOSSIBLE.

I’m stupidly stressed and mad at myself at the moment, because my vivosmart wristband is starting to crack on the band. This shouldn’t be a problem because I have a warranty for it- except I can’t find it. I’ve looked in the places where it should be, I’ve looked in the places where it could be, and I’m coming up empty. I don’t even really know where else to look, and every time I think about it I have that hideous stressed feeling because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it if I can’t find the receipt and warranty. The band is going to break and I will have wasted a very expensive gift because I can’t organise my life.

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2 thoughts on “Saturday 4th July 2015

  1. I, too, am very frustrated with the quantity of medications I take. I have a gallon size ziploc bag full of pill bottles. Once a week, I sit down and set up my pill box and try to ignore the nagging of my depressed side telling me that it’s just too many pills. Like you, I would love to just chuck it all and move on with my life. Sadly, that would be a life barely worth living. Thank you for this post. It’s always nice to know we are not alone in our struggles.

    • I think part of the reason I hate it is it just reminds me so forcefully that there’s something wrong with me. It reminds me that this is pretty much the new normal now, and it’s not really very ideal.
      As you say though, it helps to know we’re not alone in dealing with this, so thank you for that.

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