Friday 1st May 2015

I can’t believe that it’s the start of May. What is happening to my life???

I did some more contacting in the library this morning. I did chapter books again, and after doing a bit of maths it turns out I’m averaging about twenty books covered per hour, which is probably pretty good. Definitely getting through what needs to be done, although I’m still not sure when it will all be done.

The PFA were meeting in the library while I was working there, so I had that to listen to. It reinforced my feelings that I’m not a PFA mum. I don’t feel guilty about that anymore though, not when I think about how many hours I’m spending in the library and how many I still have to go. I suspect that even once the library is set up I’ll volunteer to go in once or twice a week and tidy up, re-shelve etc.

I had a doctor appointment after that, just to get a couple of prescription refills. Unfortunately they were running late, and I had a forty-five minute wait for a two minute appointment. After it was done I went and visited Troy at the office and we walked up to the chemist together, which was nice.

Emma’s ebay coat arrived today. It’s a pink wool duffel coat with a zip-off hood, and it’s beautiful. It was a great bargain, it was a surprise and she loved it, and it’s going to be so warm and cosy for her over winter. It’s also a woman’s size 12 coat, and it fits her. More or less, I mean there’s a lot of room to grow but you don’t look at her and think she’s playing dress ups in the grown ups’ clothes. She really is just getting so grown up and tall. She was standing next to her friend Mia in Indonesian yesterday giving a presentation and although Mia has been taller than Emma since prep, Emma is now a couple of inches taller.

Emma had her first session of her new group yesterday. It’s called CHAMPS, and it’s for kids whose parent/s have a mental illness. https://www.easternhealth.org.au/services/item/183-children-families-better-understand-mental-illness-champs There are a couple of kids who were in the MAT group with her, as well as a few new ones too. The kids are a little older in this one, and there are more girls, so that will suit Emma. They also offer afternoon tea, so my bottomless pit daughter just loved that. Seriously, she’s eating like there’s no tomorrow to fuel that growth.

I don’t know. Emma seems to like the groups- she’s happy to go and I think she’s going to get a lot out of this one too. I’m really glad that they’re there and we’ve been linked in with this source of help and support.

But, in my heart I still hate it. Guess I haven’t got that acceptance part down yet. I do not want to be this way, I do not think it is working, I hate what I am doing to this family that I love so much and had before I knew that I couldn’t do it.

And please don’t say anything about this. I know I’m being an idiot, and I’m sure that it will get better and I’m doing all the right things and the kids will be fine and blah blah blah…I know all that.

It’s the kids’ first hockey games tomorrow. Well, Emma’s team actually has a bye, but they’re going to do a practise game against each other. Jericho has a proper game though. I’m going to take Emma to her game and Troy’s going to take Jericho to his. Soren and Nicholai will go with one of us. Once Emma’s practice match is over we’ll drive to the field that Jericho’s playing on and we should be there in time for his game to start. Much as I have sulked about the inconvenience, I’m really excited for them to start playing. I love how happy they are about it.

I finished the final True Blood season today, while I was knitting. I was glad I had something good to watch, because I realised that there was something wrong with the fingerless mitts I’m knitting and I couldn’t figure out exactly what it was OR how I could fix it. Basically I knew that it looked wrong, so in the end I had to just pull it out and start again. It’s one thing that makes me know how far I’ve got to go in knitting – I can’t actually fix anything. I can just about pick up a dropped stitch, but that’s it. Anyway, these mitts are supposed to be for Troy but they look small. It’s okay though, if they don’t fit him I’ll give them to one of the kids, since they all want pairs as well.

Jericho’s class were doing an assignment on celebrations around the world. He had Saint Patrick’s day, and this was his rough draft. I don’t know if it’s meant to be Saint Patrick himself or a leprechaun (Saint Patric AS a leprechaun?) but he’s so jaunty and happy dancing his little jig that I had to share him.

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