Not such a great day today really. I spent most of it panicking over my new job. I am so stressed that I don’t even know how I’m going to get to my first class without having a breakdown. I mean, I am literally on the brink of tears every time I think about it, and I can’t remember any words and I’m just…aaaargh, even writing about it is getting me all worked up!
It will be okay. It has to be. Tomorrow I’m going to go through all my ideas and bits and pieces and just pick something and start working on it. I need three rough lesson plans (two of the classes I’m teaching are grades 1&2 composites, so they’ll obviously use the same lesson. There you go, Rebecca, it’s easier already now that you’re thinking about it) and an idea of what I will need to present them so that I can go to the school and see what they’ve got.
I wish I’d never said I’d do this.
Confidence is key though, and I have to remember that. I might feel like my Indo skills are appalling, but it’s not like anyone else at the school is better. I felt like this before my teaching rounds too, but if I go in there acting assured and like I know what I’m doing no one is going to question me. Hopefully.
I still want to cry though.
Apart from crying and trying to stop myself hyperventilating, today was very very quiet. Mostly I sat in the living room admiring my lovely yellow room. This evening I started painting the kitchen though, so now my lovely yellow living room contains all this stuff I’ve just moved out of the kitchen because it was in the way, so that’s a bit demoralising.
The kitchen is going to take a while to paint. Not because there are so many walls (really, between two windows and doorway and openings to the loungeroom and cupboards and all there are hardly any walls at all really) but because they’re in such bad condition that they’re going to need a lot more filling and sanding than anything in the loungeroom did. Still, I have the massive improvement in the loungeroom to look on and encourage me to persevere, so I guess that’s something.