Friday, 4th May 2012

Not such a great day today really. I spent most of it panicking over my new job. I am so stressed that I don’t even know how I’m going to get to my first class without having a breakdown. I mean, I am literally on the brink of tears every time I think about it, and I can’t remember any words and I’m just…aaaargh, even writing about it is getting me all worked up!

It will be okay. It has to be. Tomorrow I’m going to go through all my ideas and bits and pieces and just pick something and start working on it. I need three rough lesson plans (two of the classes I’m teaching are grades 1&2 composites, so they’ll obviously use the same lesson. There you go, Rebecca, it’s easier already now that you’re thinking about it) and an idea of what I will need to present them so that I can go to the school and see what they’ve got.

I wish I’d never said I’d do this.

Confidence is key though, and I have to remember that. I might feel like my Indo skills are appalling, but it’s not like anyone else at the school is better. I felt like this before my teaching rounds too, but if I go in there acting assured and like I know what I’m doing no one is going to question me. Hopefully.

I still want to cry though.

Apart from crying and trying to stop myself hyperventilating, today was very very quiet. Mostly I sat in the living room admiring my lovely yellow room. This evening I started painting the kitchen though, so now my lovely yellow living room contains all this stuff I’ve just moved out of the kitchen because it was in the way, so that’s a bit demoralising.

The kitchen is going to take a while to paint. Not because there are so many walls (really, between two windows and doorway and openings to the loungeroom and cupboards and all there are hardly any walls at all really) but because they’re in such bad condition that they’re going to need a lot more filling and sanding than anything in the loungeroom did. Still, I have the massive improvement in the loungeroom to look on and encourage me to persevere, so I guess that’s something.

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5 thoughts on “Friday, 4th May 2012

  1. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
    Hey there sister, You made me feel like crying!!!
    Your classes will be great, these are just small children who have never heard Indonesian before so every word, activity, game or discussion will take time so there will not be too many things you will have to cram in. like you said yourself..just break it down. You would not have got the job if they did not think you were up to it……also if you get really stuck you could just get them to do a project and make them concentrate on the borders!!!!!! Good borders take heaps of time and are so fun to do hehehehehe……
    I will give you a call next week.
    Love Ellen
    PS I hope Soren is well now and no one else got sick. Jesse has tonsillitis we discovered today. We thought he was sick yesterday when he came home from Daycare and had not eaten his cupcake…UNHEARD OF!!!
    xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxooxooxoxoxooxoxoox

  2. You are exactly right that no one else there knows more about it than you do. That’s how I get through any of the teaching sessions that I have to do for my job. I just tell myself that even though I don’t know everything, I know more than the 18 year old college students who have been here for a month and never walked in the library before know. You’ll be wonderful and the children will be thrilled to learn something that no classes before them have been taught.

  3. You can do it! You are fierce and strong and I admire the hells out of you because of it. I know you feel awful right now, but in a month or two, you’ll be so very glad you pushed through this stage because you’ll be so much more confidant and happy within yourself for it :) Much love!!!

  4. Does the school have parent volunteers in the classrooms? Maybe you can volunteer in the classroom, even if it’s just collecting homework for the teacher. Then at least you’ll feel more comfortable when it’s your turn to teach.

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